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Have u noticed in Star Trek...

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'Have u noticed in Star Trek...'
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deathjester's user image
deathjester
31.01.2003 - 13:14
forum administrator
...how utterly STUPID the tech tree is?

Example (1)- Tranportation of matter at will vs Sheilds

"Sir we are under attack!"
"We'll have none of this! Fire those orange things number one."
...
"Sir some highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy is gettign in the way!"
"Those bastards.. Ensign! Quick! Transport a sizable chunk of the enemy vessel 2 inches to the left!"
"Aye!"
...
"Sir! It's not working! The highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy is still getting in the way!"
"Those bastards.. Ensign! Quick! Fire 20 torpedos at the enemy vessel, then transport them directly onto a single area of the highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy that is gettign in the way once they have armed. Time your firing of the orange thingies to match the impact number one."
...
"Sorry Sir, we can't do that it's just not in the script. The writers aren't capable of maintaining the integrity of their fictional universe to such a logical and non-bullshit level."
"Those bastards! Ens-"
"Sir! they are firing some glowign balls of 1000$-per-frame special effects at us!
"Quick! Tranport them away to avoid impact!"
"Sir! It's not working! They also have some highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy that is getting in the way!"
"Those bastards!"
...
[Kaboom]
"Sir we have taken a direct hit on the forward highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy!"
"Those Bastards! Re-calibrate something or other to comensate."
deathjester's user image
deathjester
31.01.2003 - 13:25
forum administrator
Cont'

"I can't, Sir! I need my Halfords socketset!"
"Number one, beam his socketset to him."
"I'm sorry Sir, I just can't. That would simply be far to sensible, and the universe woudl enter a state of quatum instability due to bullshit-must-prevail-here theory."
"Those bastards. They knew exactly where and how to attack us. Ensign! Quick! Transport everyone in a red uniform who isn't beign paid more than 10 bucks an hour close to the enemy ship. Then hit the gas cos I'm getting the f**k out of here."
"Aye, Sir."
...
"Sir! I can't transport the crew! Our highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingy doesnt actually get in the way, but the director is holdign a gun to my head mubling soemthign about, 'I could have written sci-fi like Peter Hamilton if only they hadn't teased me at school as a child'."
"That bastard! transport him off the set!"
"Sir! you are simply going too far- even the guy on camera #2 is calling you a wanker."
"That bastard. Number one!"
"Sir?"
"My ready room... i think i need a blowjob."
richard's user image
richard
31.01.2003 - 18:05
forum administrator
You have quite a talent there, my friend...

BTW, I'm reading 'Misspent Youth' at the minute (got a signed copy!). It's very good reading and I love the way he makes the technology of the future sound so damned user friendly like it should be.
deathjester's user image
deathjester
03.02.2003 - 00:23
forum administrator
ooo ty :)

ill knock another one up at work this week
nelson's user image
nelson
03.02.2003 - 18:38
forum administrator
oh, those productive work hours have to be put to a good use...
linden's user image
linden
05.02.2003 - 07:05
dj, eagerly awaiting the continuation of the new ST saga... after all, we can't let the highly convenient fictional shitty blue thingies take over the sci-fi world.
deathjester's user image
deathjester
05.02.2003 - 11:42
forum administrator
xD ill get writing NOW
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